it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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