I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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