I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
And then he peed in my hair
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