Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Randomize
