its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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