I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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