What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
