I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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