I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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