hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
