Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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