I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
