my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
