Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
