Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
