your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
