I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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