The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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