I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We are two peas in an std pod
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
