That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
