I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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