Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
