i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
