He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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