who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm passing your future prison.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
