he wants to bone in the snuggie
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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