My first STD was from a foam party
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
