She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
