wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
