I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
