I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
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Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
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The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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