he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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