you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
