with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
ttyl tear gas
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
