I am puke
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
