remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
