are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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