Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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