so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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