no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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