people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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