Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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