9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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