I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
