My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
