I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
