If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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