So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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