was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My pussy is not your playground.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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