omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
