I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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