New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
