then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
