I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
And the cops told us we were all naked.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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