...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
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he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
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I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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