There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
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