do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
