I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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