I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
