I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
