just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Randomize
