Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
