So drunk its hurt
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
