There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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