Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
