Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
