OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
