I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
