How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
