I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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