Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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