Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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