we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
