Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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