arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
