do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
