White coat. Heels.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I could make wine with my vomit
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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