The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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