you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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