The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
